You know you may have picked a bad Christmas tree if...

It's two feet tall and fourteen feet wide.

The salesman's opening line is, "You're not a cop, are you?"

It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers poked into it.

Each branch is mark with a "Dura-flame" label.

It's very small and says "air freshener" on it.

Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.