Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Meeting Invitation


A woman was telling a friend about my enrollment in a weight-loss program and how excited she was about the meetings.

"Sounds great," she said. "I'm almost tempted to join too."

"Well, next time I go," I replied, "I'll take you along."

"Okay," my friend responded, and then she asked, "Do they serve refreshments?"

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Computer Problem

I was having trouble with my computer so I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I asked, “So, what was wrong?”

He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”

Knowing I’d appear stupid I asked anyway. “An ID ten T Error? What's that?”

Harold grinned, “Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

”No, I haven’t!”

”Write it down. I think you'll figure it out.”

So I did.

I D

1 0

T

ID 10 T

I used to like Harold.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Chicken Farming

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died."

The neighbor said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too."

Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong? What did you do to them?"

Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or not far apart enough."


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Sunday, July 1, 2007

Ponderables

Why do...

drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet Coke?

banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless unk in the garage?

why hot dogs come in packages of ten and buns come in packages of eight?

we use the word politics? It works so well. Poli is Latin for many and tics is English for a bloodsucking insect.


they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering


Do you ever wonder...

why the sun lightens hair and darkens skin?

why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

why the headlines never say "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

why abbreviated is such a long word?

why doctors call what they do practice?

why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor and dish soap uses real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

why apartments are so close together?

if con is the opposite of pro is congress the opposite of progress?

if flying is so safe why is the airport called the terminal?