The Politically Correct Christmas

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses.

THREE deconstructionist poets

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration.

NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer the calling birds, French hens and partridge, have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products.

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands.

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans.

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression.

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping.

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note).

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Yule or Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)*

*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.