Christmas Humor

It's that time of year! You've got to post your best!

Here are some good ones!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts!"

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: missile toe!

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a Christmas gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: It had forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What kind of bird is most likely to send you a Christmas card?
A: A PEN-guin.

Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Q: What did the ghosts sing to Santa Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it "soots" him!

Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.

Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.

Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
A: "Olive" the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.

Q: What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.