Imponderable ponderables

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If somebody asks a penny for your thoughts and you give them your two cents worth where does the left over penny go?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did the cured ham have?

How is it that we put men on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they slept like a baby? Babies wake up every two hours.

If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie but you're ON TV?

Why do people go to the top of tall buildings, put money in binoculars and look at things on the ground?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp that nobody will eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut why can't he fix the hole in a boat?

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that junk from ACME why didn't he just buy dinner?

Corn oil is made from corn and olive oil is made from olives. What is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? So how come when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window?

Murphy's Laws

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.